The road to buying a horse...

My eyes opened and read the clock.  3:42 am.  My alarm would be going off at 3:51.  Great, I had nine minutes to once again contemplate the wisdom of my plan for the day.

I remembered seeing my husband looking all pale and pasty the day before.  Gemma and I had been at the barn all morning, with lessons for Star and Donut.  When we got home, I found him on the bed looking ill.  I asked him how he was feeling, worried that he was getting sick.  It turned out that his pale and pasty visage was due to the realization that after years of telling him that eventually I was going to buy Gemma a horse, I was actually planning to go through with it.

It isn't that my husband doesn't like horses.  Or that he begrudges me the time or the money I spend on mine.  But he is frugal by nature, and horses and frugality are often incompatible.  And even a less expensive horse still costs a fair amount in this area, not to mention the board and other costs.  So he was struggling a bit to reconcile his idea of how a person should utilize money with my idea of how a person should have a horse.

In fact, my husband's concern is what had prevented me from starting my shopping earlier.  I was trying to give him time to come to terms with us being a two-horse family.  But it just wasn't working, so the day before I'd told him that I had started shopping and was going to see a horse.  And that if the horse was suitable for Gemma, I was going to buy it.  He closeted himself in the office for several hours, but came out looking in good spirits, so I thought that maybe his brain had made the necessary adjustment.  Actually, I think he was just in shock, and by noon on Saturday, the impact of the trauma had set in.

So once again I walked him through the idea of Gemma getting a horse, explained how the finances would work, and what I was looking for.  I pointed out what many parents of kids with horses come to realize, which is that having your kid being responsible for an animal and spending a lot of time at the barn creates a wonderful environment for them and keeps them from getting into other, less savory activities.  But the most important reason for me is that Gemma has proven over and over again that she is worthy of the privilege of horse ownership.  She has been taking weekly lessons for almost three years.  She spends several days a week at the barn and would spend more if she could.  When she is at the barn, she takes care of her horse by grooming and bathing.  She is constantly pointing out new cuts or bumps that she finds and diligently treats them.  She loves riding, and listens when I give her restrictions on what she can and cannot do.  And she pitches in with barn chores whenever she gets the opportunity.  The staff loves her because she will clean stalls, dump water buckets, feed horses, turn them out or bring them in, drop hay bales from the hay loft, clean the wash stall, and sweep the floor.  She will literally work for hours helping and she has many, many times.  

And she desperately wants a horse of her own.  The horse she is riding now, Star, is wonderful for her and the best fit possible.  I wish we could buy her and keep her forever, but there are some other factors that prevent us from doing that, and Gemma is very conscious of the fact that Star's owner could, out-of-the-blue, say that she can't ride Star anymore.  I think what happened when we were leasing Mini for her, and Mini's owner decided to move her to a new barn with very little notice was a bigger trauma for her than I knew at the time, and the lesson has stuck with her.  It was most-assuredly the best decision for Mini, given her health issues, but it was very hard for Gemma to lose access to that pony.  And she has come to the conclusion that if she has ownership of the horse, other people can't take the horse away from her.  She has never said it out right, but I know that is what she is thinking.  And my heart is breaking for her.

So that is why I am scouring the internet and Facebook at all hours of the day, looking at sales ads.  And that is why many of my friends are doing the same thing on my behalf.  And that is why at 4 am, I was going to wake up my daughter and tell her that we would be driving over five hours to take a look at a mare that I was considering buying for her.  She knew that I had started shopping for a horse for her recently, but I'd been trying to keep the details away from her because horses are selling like hot cakes in this area, and every single one of them that I called about ended up being sold before I'd even had a chance to take a look, except for one.  It is hard enough for me to engage in the process, much less asking an 8-year-old to do the same.  So I was vetting the information pretty carefully before letting her know about it to avoid some of the inevitable excitement followed by disappointment.

I had made the appointment a day and a half ago, which is almost a lifetime in this market.  I kept expecting I would get a message that the mare had sold.  Yet when I didn't, I figured there was probably something wrong with her.  But I'd committed to the appointment, and I knew that it would be good for Gemma and I to practice how we were going to evaluate a horse for her.  I didn't want to waste the seller's or my time, but the reality is that horse shopping is a time and resource intensive process and there is no getting around it.  And this mare seemed to be a realistic candidate, based on the videos I had looked at and the answers I had gotten to my questions.

Thankfully, Gemma woke up easily and got herself and her stuff together faster than I could have imagined, especially because she had no knowledge of the trip ahead of time.  We were out the door by 4:30.

I have to admit that there is nothing about any of the hours before 7 am that makes me happy.  I only get up before 7 if I have to, but a big chunk of our drive would be on I-81, which typically has very heavy traffic in general, and a lot of semi-trucks.  It is my least favorite road of all time to drive on with a horse trailer, and I was thankful to just be in the truck.  But because we were on the road so early, the highway was blissfully almost empty of vehicles, and I was even able to use the cruise control! 

I knew from a cross-country trip that Gemma and I had taken last summer that she was an exceptionally good traveler, even when we spent a lot of time in the car.  So I didn't anticipate any issues with the long day.  But I did have to spend a lot of time telling her about the horse and then reminding her that we were just going to look at the horse, not necessarily buy her.  And that it was really important to remember that we are looking for a forever horse that will be with us until it dies, so we want to find one that is a good fit for what she needs.  I'm pretty sure she didn't hear any of that.  She was already planning her future with a horse she'd never seen.

Our long drive was without incident, although as I approached the seller's address, I realized we were within spitting distance of Tennessee.  Scenes from the movie, Deliverance, popped into my head, and I questioned the wisdom of what I was doing for about the 57th time.  I was glad I'd taken the truck instead of my husband's more fuel-efficient small car, though, as I climbed up the seller's driveway.  I have driven is some pretty rugged locations because of endurance riding and because Virginia is prone to really awful roads in rural areas, but I hadn't seen anything like this before.  I almost bottomed out the truck on a giant pothole and the tires struggled to grip the rutted, washed-out, rocky, steep, narrow, winding excuse of a road.  I should have put it in four-wheel drive, but I knew if I stopped to engage it, I might not make it anyway.  I kept the momentum I had and finally made it to the top.

I spotted the horse almost immediately.  The seller had her saddled already and tied to the trailer, waiting for us.  (Almost unimaginably for a trip of that length, I was precisely on time...)  She was a pretty little black quarter horse mare, standing patiently.  I had hoped to see her caught in her field and led in, but it wasn't a deal breaker.  I think the seller thought she was being polite.  She seemed very nice and had been very transparent with me about the mare thus far, so I wasn't expecting any subterfuge.  In fact, the seller seemed quite concerned that whoever bought the mare was a good fit for her.

We chatted for a few minutes, and I followed some good advice that I had seen about buying a horse - let the seller talk about the horse as much as they want to without asking a lot of questions.  It can be a good way to learn things that you might not think to ask.  The lady explained a lot of the stuff she'd already told me.  The mare was easy to catch, liked treats and took them gently from Gemma's hand, she was easy to lead, to halter, to bathe, to clip, and to groom.  I could see most of those things from watching the mare interact with Gemma and the seller's young daughter.  She also pointed out that the mare was wearing shoes on her front feet because she had a toe crack the size of the Grand Canyon on her left front hoof.  She assured me that she knew the horse was due for the farrier and that both the vet and the farrier had told her that the crack was superficial and she was wearing the shoes just to help the crack grow out.  

I'm just going to go on a little rant here.  If you are selling a horse, please make sure the horse's feet do not look like shit.  I mean seriously, this horse was not just due for the farrier.  She was about 2 months overdue.  Her front hooves were so overgrown that it looked like about two inches could come off.  And the toe crack was not superficial, it was a sign that something was wrong with the balance of her feet in a big way.  I'm pretty sure that with about 6 months of proper trimming and no shoes, the mare would be fine, but it was a red flag I wasn't willing to ignore.  And I had to wonder, if the seller was skimping on her hoof care, what else was she skimping on?

But let's go back to the evaluation process.  I asked if we could swap the saddle.  They had saddled the mare with an adult-sized western saddle, thinking that I would want to try out the mare.  And I did.  But I wanted to see what she looked like being saddled, and I had no reason to think that Gemma couldn't ride her.  So they put a kid's western saddle on her, and Gemma helped.  The mare had no sign of girthiness or any other issues.

First, the seller's daughter rode her, and I got an indication of why she was still for sale after being on the market for six whole days.  I watched as the daughter tried to use a direct rein to turn her.  She ended up pulling the bit completely through the mare's mouth while the mare threw her head in the opposite direction and backed herself 20 feet into the swing set.  As soon as the girl switched to neck reining, though, the mare was quite easy to turn.  She walked and trotted but would not pick up the canter.  Part of that was probably because the area she was being ridden in was so small.  There was hardly enough room for a 20 meter circle before the ground dropped off into a steep hill or there was a tractor or a shed or a driveway or a swing set.  It was a difficult place to get an understanding of what the horse could do.

After a few minutes of watching the seller's daughter ride, I asked if Gemma could ride.  So Gemma happily got on.  (At this point, I should mention that Gemma was already in love with her, which was unfortunate, but probably unavoidable.)  Gemma had no trouble riding her at the walk and the trot, but she couldn't get the mare to canter either.  The mare also stopped very well from a trot, and as long as Gemma didn't use any contact with her mouth, she was easy to ride.  I now had a sneaking suspicion that the mare had never been taught to turn using a direct rein and that she could not tolerate any contact with her mouth.  But I wanted to confirm.

So I asked the seller if we could swap saddles so I could ride.  And what I discovered made me so sad.  The mare could only neck rein.  She had apparently been trained by a reining trainer who skipped the first step and never taught her to be responsive to a direct rein aid.  And I think he may have even trained her to be reactive to contact with her mouth.  Because she really struggled with it.

And the only way I could get her to pick up a canter was to take her down a short, steep hill, and then use the momentum to get her to canter up the next short, steep hill.  Her canter did feel very nice, but the only other way I could envision helping her to pick up the canter was to collect her, and I couldn't do that because she wouldn't tolerate any contact with her mouth.  She also blew through my seat aid to slow down at one point, and that was the final nail in the coffin for the purchase of this nice mare.  I couldn't risk that Gemma would be riding her and that she wouldn't have a way to slow her down.  Without the ability to use a bit to give an aid to slow down, the mare could theoretically get to the point where she could just run.  

I knew at that point that there were just too many issues for me to justify the purchase.  The mare was a good price for the market, and I was prepared to need to do some work with her, but all the issues added up.  Her feet needed work, she would have to be retrained to accept direct contact with her mouth (there could have been an issue with her teeth too, especially given the poor hoof care she had, but even the lightest contact caused a problem, so I was inclined to think it was a training issue), she had anxiety about being trailered (I suspected that may be because she had to ride in a trailer over that crazy driveway that nearly killed my truck), and she couldn't canter.  Plus, I got the sense that she was a little too forward thinking for what I would want for a kid's horse.  I think an adult would have handled her motivation just fine, but it would be too easy for her to get out of control with a child.

I let Gemma spend a few more minutes with her and then she led her to her field and turned her out.  I should mention that the "field" was actually a natural version of one of those Extreme Trail courses.  It was on a steep down hill, littered with giant boulders and uneven ground.  The mare took off running and never missed a step as she negotiated some pretty impressive terrain.  She was obviously quite athletic, and I suspect that with the right rider and some training, she would make someone a very nice horse.

I thanked the seller for her time, let my husband know I'd survived my trip to almost-Tennessee, and Gemma and I headed for home.  I broke the news to my daughter that we wouldn't be buying the mare, and it was hard for her to hear.  We even called a friend of mine to go through the pros and cons, so Gemma could hear from someone else that the mare wasn't right for her.  This particular friend teaches beginner students at an area riding school.  And she said the school has a couple of beginner horses that were trained for western riding and struggle with contact in exactly the same way this mare does.  She explained that even after years of school lessons, the horses still cannot tolerate any contact with their mouths, which is why they have been relegated to beginner lessons only, where contact isn't necessary.  We theorized that there must be some method of training that produces this result, and it is very unfortunate.  My understanding of how western horses are trained is based on my own experiences and watching good western trainers, and horses are typically started in a snaffle bit with the rider using two hands and direct rein aids before learning to work off of a neck rein, leg, and seat aids.  So no correctly trained western horse should have any issues with the use of a direct rein.  I can see that they might be confused about constant contact, but they shouldn't be willing to back themselves over a cliff just to avoid a direct rein aid.

I wish I had the skill set to help this mare.  She has good ground manners, a nice temperament, and nice movement, and I'm sure we could give her a good home, but our search continues...Also, if you know of a good support group for dads of kids with horses, let me know.  I think my husband might need one:)