Being a Horse Show Mom

I have to admit that when I got pregnant and found out I was having a girl, I did fantasize a lot about her loving horses.  I hoped she would follow in my footsteps, but I also reminded myself that everyone has to find their own path in life.  I know plenty of moms who love to ride but have kids who do not, so I tried not to get too excited about having a horse-crazy kid.

And for the first few years of Gemma's life, I wasn't quite sure how things would go.  She definitely loved horses and visiting the barn every once in awhile.  But it wasn't an obsession.  She loved lots of things back then, particularly climbing, so I didn't push the horses.  And honestly, I needed my time alone at the barn to decompress and be myself every day.

But over the past few years, her horse-loving genes expressed themselves more and more, and now it is rare for there to be more than one day a week that she doesn't go to the barn with me.  (The one day is at my insistence - I still need alone time with horses!)

When she was 6, I started her in a lesson program.  I wasn't quite sure I should - riding lessons can come with their own set of challenges.  But Gemma ended up loving them, and it gave her regular time with a horse and helped her build skills in a way that I couldn't.  My only equine resource back then was a 17-hand Friesian who could not, under any perspective, be considered "beginner-friendly."  I could lunge her on him and he was fantastic, but he wouldn't have been a good horse for her to learn independent riding on.

Almost a year after she started taking lessons, she asked me about showing.  She wanted to try it.  The barn where I board and she takes lessons also hosts dressage and hunter shows, so I figured that if we could find a horse for her to ride, she could give it a try.  There were only two hunter shows left that season and she did both.  She had an absolute blast and the smile on her face was epic.  I still remember her excitement after the first show.  She'd gotten sixth place in all three of her classes and she asked, "Mom, how did I get so lucky to win THREE green ribbons!" 

Gemma and a pony named Clever.  He passed away not that long after this picture was taken, and his passing was mourned by all who met him.

 

I knew that if she stuck with it, her attitude about the color of ribbons would probably change, but I was thankful for her enthusiasm and decided that we as adults could probably benefit from adopting the same attitude.

Then the pandemic hit in early 2020 and all the horse shows were cancelled.  A few bigger ones started up in late summer/fall but the requirements were so burdensome that smaller shows like the ones my barn hosted simply could not comply.  Gemma was disappointed, but she kept riding and learning and practicing.

This year, the horse shows were back in full swing, and we attended all of the ones that we could hosted at our barn as well as a few hosted by another barn nearby.  I think Gemma showed at about 15 shows between April and October.  Her last one was this past weekend.  It was an epic finish to a season full of accomplishments, and I'm so proud of her.

A lovely expression on Star's face in the second class of the day in the Pre-Short Stirrup Division.

 

Star's trot at this show was simply gorgeous and just kept getting better with every class.

Gemma's goal for the show was to get a blue ribbon on Star.  While she has won a couple of blue ribbons in dressage this year as well as a blue ribbon on Olaf in a hunter show, she hadn't gotten one on Star in the hunter shows.  So when she won the third class of the day, beating out a rider on a horse that typically wins every class he is in, she was thrilled!

 

Showing should never be about the ribbons, but Gemma and Star have worked hard this year and the first, second, and third place ribbons in the individual classes, plus the Reserve Champion for the Pre-Short Stirrup Division, and the Reserve Champion for the show series were earned.

I have been stunned on more than one occasion as I watched Gemma handle situations that would have thrown some adults (like me) for a loop.  There was the time Freya got bitten by a horse fly during a dressage test and Gemma kept Freya on track even though she was periodically crow-hopping to try to get rid of the fly.  And the time Olaf was going through his "drifting" phase and he drifted himself right out of the dressage arena during a test.  Gemma turned him right back into the arena and finished both her circle and the test.  She didn't cry or fuss or get mad at either horse, like I've seen so many kids (and adults) do.  She laughed it off and vowed to try to avoid the situation again in the future.  Freya gets loaded with fly spray now, and Gemma is learning about the usefulness of an effective outside rein.

I've also seen her get stuck in a pack of no less than seven horses with no way to get out, and she and her saint of a pony just kept trotting and showing, like there was no problem at all.  And this past weekend, I saw her execute a very nice reverse in the hunter ring, only to have her pony come face to face with another pony, whose young rider forgot that the horses need to turn to the inside.  The rider had turned her pony to the outside and right into Gemma and Star.  Both Gemma and Star acted like nothing happened.  They finished their turn and went right on showing.

I've said many times that there is a difference between being good at riding and being good at showing.  A person can be a very effective rider, but be anxious in the show ring or lack some of the polish or nuanced skills that judges look for.  Likewise, a person can be good at show strategies (like how to keep the horse positioned so the judge has the best opportunity to see her) and have a pretty position as long as the horse they are riding never gets into trouble or needs a correction or help with a jump.  It takes a lot of work to be good at both, and I think Gemma is well on her way.  

Despite Gemma's successes, there can be no doubt that the last six months have been hard for me.  My husband knows nothing about horses, so there is only so much he can do to help out.  Which means the burden falls on me to make sure everything is in order and that Gemma gets lots of riding time and good coaching in between lessons as well as at shows.  There have been lots of early mornings, snack runs to Target, late night laundry sessions, frantic trips to the tack store for lost or outgrown items, last minute touch-ups before the show starts, sacrificing my alone time or time to ride, long days, hot days, cold days, windy days, and watching endless classes that all look the same but for their names.  Sometimes I wasn't sure if I was going to make it, especially when I had to explain that sometimes judging doesn't make sense and sometimes no matter how hard you work, things go wrong or the judge doesn't see your shining moment.  I was irritable, grumpy, exhausted, stressed, and wondering if it was really worth paying $45-$75 per show for entry fees.  And I definitely thought that parents who love horses but have kids who don't may be the lucky ones.

But a friend reminded me that there are the small moments that really matter.  There are the giggles when something goes horribly wrong (like the glitter explosion of last weekend), the quiet moments at the end of the day, the shared inside jokes, the camaraderie with other moms and competitors, the taste of a hot dog fresh from the grill, the scent of a special horse, and bigger-than-life smiles when everything comes together.

So am I going to do it again next year?  Absolutely!  After I take a nap for about six months:)

Gemma and Star and I were taking a break between dressage tests.