A Pivotal Moment, part 5

The online Cambridge dictionary defines the word congruent as: similar to or in agreement with something, so that the two things can both exist or can be combined without problems.  I've also seen it defined as: in agreement or harmony.  

A couple of weeks before the end of the Confident Equestrian Program, I came across this Facebook post by The Red Mare.  And I sort of felt like I was reading something really momentous, but I couldn't quite figure out how it was momentous.

The post sent me on a little bit of a dive into what congruent means, and I started thinking about ways in which I was probably incongruent.  And those ways went beyond simply expressing how I was feeling at any given moment.  I started thinking about how congruence (or a lack thereof) might be present in other parts of my life.  And the word just stayed with me day after day.  To the point that I got kind of irritated with it.  I mean, I get it, little voice in my head.  I need to work harder to make sure my outside matches my inside.  

But honestly, how am I supposed to do that really?  I can't just go around telling people I'm irritated or mad or sad or depressed or whatever.  What are they supposed to do with that?  And I just dedicated an entire post on my blog back in February to how I'm not going to use my horse as my therapist.  So, little voice in my head, I really need you to back off.  I get it.  I will try to be a more authentic person when I can, but that is not an easy ask.  I have literally dedicated over a decade of my life to learning how to be more diplomatic and have better communication skills.  And multiple people, well, coworkers, have told me how much easier it is to work with the kinder, gentler me.  So I'm not really interested in making people uncomfortable again.  It's less about wanting people to like me and more about being a better person.  Because better people don't just let out whatever is in their brain come out of their mouths, right?

You, of course, may remember how I mentioned earlier in this series of posts that I have a Rational Me and a Woo-Woo Me.  You might be tempted to mention them at this point and gently suggest that those two parts of me are not necessarily in sync.  But you would be rebuffed because I was too irritated with the little voice in my head nagging at me.

And you might also remember this post where I wrote about wanting to make sure the grief I felt about Nimo's loss didn't taint my future relationship with Donut in the same way that the loss of the horse I had before Nimo caused me to mourn so deeply that I took a long time to be open to connecting with Nimo.  I really thought that I had worked hard on managing my grief for Nimo, but then you may remember that I was sobbing uncontrollably not that long ago on the way to the barn.  So you might be forgiven for pointing out that I might not have quite accomplished what I so determinedly wrote that I had accomplished.

I, on the other hand, was steadfastly ignoring the issue of my situation with Nimo and intently focused on Freya's emotional issues.  I couldn't fix what was in the past with Nimo, but I was bound and determined to fix Freya.  And so I embarked on a Connection Reading with Felicity.

I really had no idea what to expect (even though I did read the description on the website).  I don't consider myself a particularly spiritual person, even though I do have a background in Christianity and I am fascinated by religion in all of its forms as well as the paranormal.  I've even had a few experiences during my life that I can't explain, and I am convinced that I have a guardian angel who spends a lot of time bemoaning my stupidity and wondering when she can get a new assignment.  (Now that I read that back to myself, it totally sounds like I'm a spiritual person, but I have never thought of myself that way.)

I think Felicity is probably the only person on the planet who could have convinced me to give this type of experience a try, though.  I felt very vulnerable going into it, and worried that I wouldn't respond in the "right" way.

But I needn't have worried.  Although I don't know that I can really do justice in describing the experience.  The best I can do is say that my experience was like a guided or facilitated spiritual connection with the goal of removing negative energy and creating healing. 

We worked through a couple of different modalities and by the end of the session, I felt really energized and excited about the work that we'd done.  Woo-Woo Me was in heaven and her brain was reeling with the possibilities.  But the real question was, how would Freya feel?  Could work that we'd done via Zoom with a lady in another country really have an impact on a horse that wasn't even physically present for the session?